The Harpy

So I’m at a conference for small publishers mixing and mingling with people who love books—editors, agents, booksellers etc…, when an author approaches me and ask if I’m accepting manuscripts. I say no. I give my spiel about being new to the business and direct her to several other publishers. But noooo… she is determined that I will be the one to publish her book. She asks, ‘When would I accept manuscripts?’ ‘Perhaps in a year,’ I say. This statement of course meant, ‘Send me your manuscript and call me incessantly to ask if I’ve read it.’

I’m not alone in meeting The Harpy: The predatory writer who will stalk helpless people in the industry and leave them bruised. Editors have been bombarded by these creatures who think they are being assertive rather than obnoxious. When you say, ‘I’d like to see what you have.’ They whip out their 400 page manuscript right there and expect you to read it on the spot or at least by the next day, where they will hound you with the dreaded question ‘Have you read it yet?’ ‘What do you think?’ or the worse ‘How much money will you give me for it? I want nothing less than $50,000.’

They send manuscripts in different colored ink ( I had someone send me a short story in yellow ink—don’t do this. It kills the eyes and is annoying. Stick with black). They put stickers on their envelopes, so you’ll notice it in the pile.

At conferences, they slip cards under agent’s and editor’s hotel doors and demand to get personal recommendations from published authors. They stalk websites and leave emails that threaten suicide, homelessness or murder (yours) if they don’t get published (or accepted) by you. You hold the key to their happiness and you’d better not disappoint.

Too much pressure people. Your life’s joy is your responsibility, no one else’s. I’m sorry to say this (not really) but if your life is not working before publication, it’s still not going to work afterwards. If you hate your husband (or wife) and kids before you get an agent, having one won’t miraculously turn them into the dream family you want.

You don’t need to dress up a manuscript. The words will sell your book or not. You can dress up a pig, but it’s still a pig. A poorly written manuscript typed in Harrington font with flowered border won’t make me like the story any more.

Be a professional. When an editor or agent shows interest, send the manuscript in the mail or online (if they request it that way.) in the appropriate format. Be considerate.